Hi there! Lonnnnnnnng time Carpenter fan here. (Male, 50 y.o. ) I am a musician (or I used to be, anyway). I play keyboards and the drums so I always took special interest in Karen and Richard (especially Karen!). I remember my younger sister bringing home the new Caprenter record 'Close To You" on that sunshine day back in the early summer of 1970. She took record out of the sleeve and put it the record on the player. I picked up the sleeve and even before the music began, it was love at first sight. I saw that long brown, flowing hair and bangs, the big brown, soulful 'Audrey Hepburn' eyes and that captivating smile. When I heard that beautiful, expressive voice --- that was it for me. I have loved Karen and followed her career and work until the day she died. I wept that cold February day, this big 6 foot 1 body-builder wept like a baby after hearing of Karen's tragedy. I admit it. Even John Lennon's death didn't impact me like Karen's. With Lennon, he was already an icon --- a living legend. Other than a possible Beatle reunion there wasn't much left in this world for John to accomplish -- he had done it all.
With Karen, there was so much more to look forward to. So much to accomplish. So much career ahead. She was so young. Despite being in the enviable position of being able to have basically any man in the world, she never found that elusive perfect man to marry and start the family she always longed for. Her only marriage became a travesty and lasted for little more than a year. She died sad, sick, alone and unfulfilled. So tragic. Karen was brought up in a loving, Methodist home. Her world was one of stuffed animals, church on sundays, music, softball, bowling and family activities. She remained close to her family all her life. Her closeness to her brother Richard is well-known. And it was this family closeness, in my opinion, that was greatly responsible for their tremendous success.
Karen was really a simple, uncomplicated small-town girl. But the men in her life couldn't seem to reconcile her tremendous success with her simple 'regular-girl' values and the tenacious devotion to her family. This was not just some Jane Doe groupie arm candy --- this was a serious, successful recording artist and talented musician. The men in her life tended to be "bigger" than she and probably expected her to be more of an 'accessory' or a 'trophy' rather than a real person with values and feelings. They never really recognized her 'inner' beauty and simplicity. They occupied high positions in life - Real Estate magnate, Record comany presidents, celebrities. I suspect they were looking for something in Karen that simply did not exist. This was a young woman who had already accomplished much, became a millionaire at what, 21?, was on her way to becoming a prime-time televison star and yet she still likes bowling and does needlepoint and staying in touch with mom! What a rare precious jewel! Hey, if came home to a woman who enjoyed sitting by the fire doing needlepoint, I'd get down on my knees and thank my lucky stars! Terry Ellis you are a snob!
In the end Karen and built up obstacles with her career and committments, settling down was just not possible--- yet something she genuinely yearned for. She was driven by the career and success she had experienced with Richard. No matter how far removed from Downey she couldn't deny what meant most to her -- home and family and so she set about to control what little in her life that was controlable. You see, anorexia is like a drug. It's euphoria. Not the kind of euphoria that you and I are familiar with. Anorectics see the loss of weight as overcoming obstacles. It is a pernicious substitute for genuine personal fulfillment when, for whatever reason, that true fulfilment is not attainable. The losing of weight produces a kind of 'euphoria'. The brain biochemistry of the anorectic produces endophins that are responsible for producing feelings of reward, satisfaction, pleasure and euphoria. Just like a heroin addict produces endorphins and euphoria resulting from shooting the drug into his veins, the anorectic produces endorpins by dieting and losing weight. The harmful effects are not felt until it is too late. In the interim, the anorectic walks around feeling healthy and fulfilled. And the sneaking, the sneaking of laxitives, sneaking of Ipecac (maybe) -- very much the behavior of an addict. And of course, everyone just stood by and watched she became lighter and frailer. Like it the problem wouldjust go away by itself. Just a quick phone call, a few words of encouragement and praise and everything would be alright again. Everyone was wrong. Pound by pound, the weight dropped from Karen like a beautiful rose in full bloom (Karen's favorite) drops it's petals one by one, then browns and withers. It didn't have to happen. It should not have happened. Karen's irresistable smile masked the pain that she was going through and everyone bought the smile and thought all was fine. All was not.
In the short time Karen was here with us, she made beautiful music, made people happy the world over, added a particlular kind of softness to popular music that was non-existent in her day. There will, in all likelyhood, never be a singer with kind of unique, expressive voice that Karen possessed but she will live forever in our hearts and minds though the many records, tapes, CDs, videos and great forums like this one that allow us to express our deep devotion to an unlikely superstar with uncanny talent and a radiant smile. Karen, Nat King Cole expressed it best ----- you are Unforgettable.

You're right. Karen will always live in our mind and heart. She may not be on this Earth, but she never actually died. She is kept alive through our everlasting love for her. I was born a Carpenters' fan, but I think that all of us are. Welcome to the forum! I hope that you enjoy it here as much as I have!

Thanks. Karen is my muse!

Nice piece, and sentiment MrGuder...

You're welcome! Yep, she is what makes the world a great place! I'm not sure what I would do without her.

THanks, after 25 years I just had to get that off my chest!

Welcome, MrGuder!
I'm Jena, from Illinois. I truly enjoyed reading your introduction, and I completely agree with everything you said. You are a true Carpenter fan, and you are where you belong now! Enjoy!!
Jena

Well said, welcome aboard!

HI ya guder,


Glad you made it here

Thanks, growing up I knew an anorectic. Only 16. This was years ago around 1974 or 5. I don't know if it was even called 'Anorexia' back then. She went through a lot of pain. Was in and out of the hospital. Missed a lot of schooling. Dropped out. Was on and off drugs (recreational). Had family 'issues'. Everyone in the neighborhood pittied her. I remember there often seemed to be an ambulance in front of her house. I remember we wouldn't see her for long stretches of time. Then sometime later we'd see her looking better, then later on --- looking worse. It was a long, slow recovery. She had to battle 2 addictions -- weight loss and drugs. She did it with a lot of help from family and friends and therapy. It lasted until she was about 21. Eventually she got her GED, met a nice man, got married and I heard she's doing real well living in south Jersey in the shore area with her husband and 1 daughter. What a hole she had to climb out of. That's why the Karen/annorexia story is so fascinating to me --- I got to see it for myself. What's more fascinating is how apparently late in life her disease affected her. It is not that common in women by the time they reach their 30s.

Hi Mr. Guder!

Welcome and best wishes for your looooooooooooooong stay on the forum

Hi, Mr Guder.
Welcome to Leadsister!! I really enjoyed your intro. You're very educated and insightful into both your feelings about Karen, as well as the way anorexics think/feel. Most of us here are just as obsessed over Karen, whethere we're male or female. We all admire/love and miss Karen very much, but we celebrate her life everyday and share with others, as well.
WELCOME!!!!!!
Cheryl in South Carolina

Hello and welcome to Leadsister! Thanks for the great intro and insight.

looking forward to your posts,
Pamela

Hello . Welcome to the forum. Great intro btw .

I'm mafer, 16 from ecuador.Enjoy ur stay here

Very expressively and uniquely well written Mr. Guder. The paradox of Karen’s beautiful smile and out going, upbeat personality and inner torment, turmoil and conflicts were, for the longest time, something that baffled and bewildered me and many others. AN is indeed such a confounded, nefarious malady.

But I also think that perhaps Karen's closeness and ties to her regimented family may have been too constricting as to have contributed to her self destructive afliction .

In any event, she and all she was are still greatly missed and amazingly loved by so many today.

Greatly spoken, Dave!

Your thoughts and memories are well expressed, Mr. Guder. The love, talent, charm and so much more that was Karen is still so greatly missed. These almost 25 years have not eased the ache of her passing. Knowing of some of Karen's desires (husband and family) and wants (to be recognized as an individual ... not just part of the Carpenters) adds to the unrequited life Karen missed.

I really wish she would have made it through the trials of her eating disorder.

"But I also think that perhaps Karen's closeness and ties to her regimented family may have been too constricting as to have contributed to her self destructive afliction ."

I once read where Richard says the parents were not touchy-feely with him and Karen. But they did express their love through acts of care and kindness. Call it demonstrable love. We can't deny that Karen and Richard grew up having most everything they ever wanted (you've seen pictures of Karen's bedroom?). I mean, they found it in their budget to buy a grand piano for Richard and Ludwig drums for Karen, and move to L.A. to be closer to the music biz with Richard's success in mind. So they obviously made their children's wishes and desires a top priority -- something to be noted given the fact that they were essentially a one-income blue-collar type family with Mr. Carpenter working in a printshop or as a printer (I think). Karen could never deny that her parents made serious sacrifices for her (and Richard) out of love and devotion.
Hey, I had a touchy-feely mother and father, and we still grew up to have occasional conflicts, arguments and disagreements so I can personally attest that touching and expressions of love are not always a guarantee that a child is going to grow up perfect and without issues. I pesonally believe Karen had other issues that will remain forever a secret. We know about the anorexia because it was visible, undeniable, and occured during the peak of her fame. But other issues that could've existed below the surface and out of the public eye (and known about by only those closest to her) will in all likelyhood, remain that way.

Hi, I'm Bruce, from Florida, sorry I'm late, but welcome!