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I was wondering if ya'll might be able to help me on this one. I am unsure as to why exactly tom and karen split. I read awhile ago in People mag that he wanted a baby and she didn't or vice versa - Not that she would have been able to have one anyway as she was so sick she probably didn't get periods but I just wondered if anyone knew exactly what the story was..

Cheers
Anj XX

Hi Anj

There are various rumours as to why they split - although this hasn't been told for a fact anywhere that I'm aware of.

Possibly the closest Tom himself came to revealing why was his own comments in the People article in 1983. He said that they 'always got along, always cared about each other', but obviously something went on behind the scenes.

Only weeks after they went on an anniversary trip to celebrate their first year of marriage, he'd walked out of their house and said 'you can keep her'. And check out the strained/forced smile on his face on that photo of them at dinner the very same evening in October 1981. A very awkward atmosphere I bet!

The Coleman book only states that she had decided irrevocably to divorce becuase she considered "Tom's demands unreasonable". Read into that what you like!

I've also read places that, being in real estate, he was in some financial problems at the time, but that's only hearsay, not fact.

I do have a strong suspicion though (and this has been told in various places) that a form of 'gagging order' was placed on Tom and immediate family in the months after Karen died. This is mainly the reason why nothing was ever heard from him again after he got a chance to say that brief comment in People magazine. Since then he has 100% sunk without a trace from the story of the Carpenters.

As for the baby comment, I think Karen was the one who'd decided they wanted children. Maybe not so in Tom's case, he already had an 18 year old son from a previous marriage.

Stephen

You can see the picture of the dinner Stephen is talking about HERE. Definately a VERY forced grin on Tom. Karen is not doing well at all here and you can see the strain of her life there. She looks to be acting like all is well when it's not.

We'll never really know what was happening with their marriage. I'm sure it was alot of things that led up to them breaking up.

Pamela

People usually blame Karen's anorexia for the break-up. However, I've always found this to be too simple seeing as Tom must have known about Karen's problem when he married her. After all, she was stick thin when he met her April 1980. She did put on weight for the wedding though so maybe he thought that was the end of it. Although I would have thought that Richard, Harold or Agnes (or even one of Karen's friends) would talked about it with him. I think it was a combination of this and their jobs which required them to be apart from eachother so much.
Another thing, I suppose Karen was not sexually attractive to Tom when she looked so emaciated and skeletal and I imagine her sex-drive would have been very low as it is with anorexics. I think if he had a job which did not require so much of his time then maybe he could have been more active in helping Karen with her problems.

Maybe he wanted her to spend more time with him and not so much time working. That would have been totally unacceptable to Karen, since her career was everything to her. I wonder how she would have juggled having a child and if she could have, given her physical condidtion?

Cheryl

What amazes me is that Tom couldn`t tell that Karen was anorexic when they first met, and even more so when they got more intimate. He must have been blind!

Apparently Tom was not successful, as some of you have already mentioned, and I remember reading that a family member once said that it was discovered that money was apparently missing from Karens accounts during the marriage.

Anyway, to give Tom a break, it must have been difficult being married to an anorexic. maybe Tom even said; Ok Karen we will have a baby, but first you need to gain weight and get healthy and it was this Karen saw as an unreasonable demand.

We will never know what really happened there, and maybe it is best so. Some things should be kept private. Tom has probably been gagged by Richard, if not I am surprised with Richard as it would be typical of him to try to control this too.

There is a gagging order on Tom Burris -a friend has spoken to Tom and he confirmed the legal position -perhaps out of fear ? Media intrusion ? Problems with Tom ? We will probably never know ?

This appears to be an American legal position -I doubt this could be binding in UK and Europe for instance ...?

Probably better that Tom has not given any interviews to media ....Karen's marriage hell ...Last years of Karen ....living with eating disorders ....are just a few of the lurid headlines that probably would have emerged....

Karen's marriage is private and really best to remain so -out of respect for Karen and our memories

Peter

I heard that Karen was voting Democrat and Tom just couldn't live with that.

I believe that too be true Aaron. I think Karen was a true democrat but told Tom, Agnes and Richard she was a republican. If the truth had gotten out, Mommy dearest would not have been happy

Well...wouldn't a loving husband really have been beneficial to Karen's recovery?
Hard to believe that she was really in love with him! He never should have married her unless she got help for herself...that's what a person "in love" would have done!!! I really wish he was able to talk and clear some things up for us...not just to "dish dirt" on the family, but to help other people who have family members in crisis!!!

Cheryl

Karen was madly in love with him I believe and for all we know he might have been a very loving husband.
I understand what you say that he should never have married her unless she got help. But then again, maybe he was truly commited and thought his love and help would help her on the way to recovery. maybe he was determined to help her but couldn`t? maybe she wouldn`t let him as she didn`t believe she had a problem?

I disagree with you when you say that a person who was in love would have done what you suggest. It is a very common thing that people strongly believe that their love can "save" the other person only to find out that in most cases they can`t.


And as for Tom speaking out and clearing things up for us, well, he can`t because Richard has put a gagging order on him. His hands are tied! And maybe he wouldn`t have done it anyway out of respect for Karen.

Here's another strange observation - what about cousin Joan? How come she never said anything? She was raised by Agnes too. She could tell lots.

Well, probably been gagged too

I guess everybody got gagged!!!!!

Cheryl